Peanut butter is like my family

FACT – peanut butter is one of my favourite foods.

How is it that the peanut, the most basic bitch of all nuts, NOT EVEN A NUT BUT A LEGUME, creates such amazing treats.

FACT – I can’t keep peanut butter around the house because I am capable of eating… around two thirds of a jar in one sitting.

I don’t like it in restaurants when satays become too peanut buttery. I love a good satay, but keep it separate from clearly peanut butter concoctions, or you’re just failing on two levels.

FACT – I will put peanut butter on just about anything. Last night I actually dreamt that I’d put peanut butter on taco shells. Now I really want to do that. Peanut butter on oreos is something we all learned was a good idea after The Parent Trap, but are you aware of the glorious combination of peanut butter on gingernuts? I have put peanut butter ON CHOCOLATE BARS. It makes everything better. I want to try it on ANZAC biscuits and scotch fingers next. And use it as a dip for every kind of cracker.

I used to think France was my spiritual homeland. Then I realised how many American sweet thangs involve peanut butter. I’m pretty sure that’s where I need to be.

FACT – I firmly believe all of the best foods should be simultaneously sweet, savoury, crunchy and creamy.

Top 10 foods involving peanut butter that I have eaten around Melbourne this Summer

  1. Ben & Jerry’s Clusterfluff ice cream, Hoyts Highpoint.

I’ve spoken about this as my primary reason for visiting Highpoint on lip. Caramel and marshmallow swirls (that don’t have the marshmallow texture I can’t deal with), and crunchy popcorn bits coated in caramel. I would actually submit to my work paying me in this stuff.

  1. Hot peanut butter filled churro, Flinders Street Station.

It’s deep fried AND filled with peanut butter. Get them to make it fresh, though, if you’re eating something that deeply unhealthy it had better be fucking worth it. On that note, I recommend getting it from the one at the actual station, on Swanston, rather than the one next to the Coles on Elizabeth Street, as their churro dough tends to be more… doughy. Not pleasant.

  1. Peanut butter and white chocolate crepe, Harajuku Crepes, Melbourne Central

Again with the crunch of the carb and the hot gooey-ness of the peanut butter. They also have a peanut butter maple syrup crepe which I need in my life.

  1. Peanut butter Lindt Lindor, Lindt cafes OR CHEAPER at the discount candy place behind Queen Vic Markets

It’s like a peanut butter cup, but 4x the deliciousness.

  1. The peanut butter flavour from the chocolate shop upstairs from Dymocks on Collins Street

Yeah, there’s a reason I’m not a food blogger. It’s a delicious thing, though. Enough so that I will spruik it despite failing to remember the name of the shop or the chocolate.

  1. Peanut butter and Belgian chocolate brownie, King and Godfree, corner Lygon and Faraday Streets

It is $5.50 and very small… but OH THE DELICIOUSNESS. It’s a mighty fine brownie, tres rich, with the good stuff swirled through. I always mean to try a different flavour when I visit, and always end up with the same thing.

  1. Peanut butter filled pretzels, the sweet shop at Barkly Square, Brunswick.

I do not like pretzels but freely describe these as crack.

  1. Butterfinger, 9. Peanut Butter Twix, 10. Take 5… anywhere that sells American candy, but the place behind Queen Vic is cheapest by far.

Remember what I was saying about that spiritual homeland thing? I’d never tried these until a couple of weeks ago. I can’t deal with peanut butter cups after trying the Lindt Ball, found the Nutrageous disappointing, Reese’s Pieces redundant and the peanut butter Snickers a sad imitation of my dip-snickers-in-peanut-butter experiment. But these three are a triumvirate of excellence. The Butterfinger contains peanut butter flavoured toffee perfectly formulated to bite through without destroying your teeth in the short term. The peanut butter Twix replaces a Twix’s caramel with peanut butter, but also makes the biscuit more like an Oreo. The Take 5 contains, in addition to peanut butter, caramel, peanuts, chocolate and pretzels. Those are the five entailed by the name… I think. It could also be the five years that excessive consumption will take off your life.

 

NOW RUN MY LITTLE PRETTIES, GO GET FAT AND HAPPY.

No, seriously, I’ve put on a good 7 kilograms since November, in part due to this ongoing obsession. No regrets.

 

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About ducksandsunshine

Some say blogs are paradigms of self-indulgence and narcissism. I'm plenty of those things, but I mostly prefer to spend my not-actually-free hours playing Words With Friends. I like comedy, films, music, long reads and refined sugars.
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